Volume 31 Issue 7
Free Speech Privatized
On Monday, May 26, President Trump announced that speech as defined by the First Amendment would no longer be free. “You guys know, this country is …
Local Feminist Group Declares Female Form ‘Yucky’
“Let’s show them what we’re made of!” said one counterprotester.Photo by Erica Rosslee On the third day of last month’s California Women’s Convention, self-proclaimed “feminist activist” …
La Jolla Homesteaders Share Plight
“I love how cottagecore this is!”, said one attendee.Photo by Liv Gilbert Members of La Jolla Homesteading took to the streets this week to oppose public …
UCSD Fertility Dorms to Combat Falling Population Rates
Anonymous sources report that Genesis 38 will soon be added to UCSD’s Principles of Community.Photo by Erica Rosslee In a bold move that university officials are …
Maybe Cool It On the Parties vs. Your Mom Pays Me To Be Your Friend
Point: Maybe Cool It On the Parties Hey, man. I can tell you’ve been pretty stressed about your homework lately. And I get it! Finals season …
Department of Education Opens UC Guantanamo Bay
“Why would I speak up? I’m not a student,” said one community member.Photo by Janice Kim On Tuesday, the Trump administration announced a commitment to a …
College Reveals Experimentation on Caffeine Consumption Limits
“Research log number 58,” said Dr. Melmacchiato. “Patient 437’s blood has become carbonated.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt Leading biochemists Drs. Camille Sinensis and Cara Melmacchiato recently revealed …
American English Makes More Sense Than British English vs. BRITANNIA FOREVER
Point: American English Makes More Sense Than British English Well gee golly, I’m so sorry to be causing a fuss, but I feel it must be …
UCSD Replaces Library Walk with Endlessly Shifting Labyrinth
“I actually graduated six years ago,” said one student found in the depths.Photo by Destiney Friday After several complaints about the congestion on Library Walk, the …
