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April 29th, 2026 Rolling Into Markets!! Volume XXXII Issue VI
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Skyboxes

Funny pictures and a joke to boot.

Skyboxes

May 28, 2025

Democrats Wrapped Up In Humiliation Kink to Do Anything

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

May 28, 2025

Santa Claus Struggling to Stay Relevant

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

March 12, 2025

Spreading Hate: A Rapidly Growing Alternative to Employment

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

March 12, 2025

American Government Claims Big Stick Is Just An Olive Branch

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

February 5, 2025

Elon Musk Found Alive

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

February 5, 2025

Movies To Be Bad Forever

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

November 27, 2024

Hobby Lobby Remodels to Form Pyramid Scheme

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

November 27, 2024

Daylight Finally Saved: “We Can Stop Now”

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

October 30, 2024

Unlawful Assembly in Lego Store

Written by: The MQ

Skyboxes

October 30, 2024

California Splits Into Two States Vertically

Written by: The MQ

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The News in Brief

  • March 11, 2026

    Local Band Crystal Belles Amasses Triton Cash Fortune

    Last month, local band Crystal Belles garnered an animated audience during an on-campus performance at UC San Diego. According to the university, while it has historically …

  • Second Iran War Scheduled for Q4 2028

    March 11, 2026

  • BORGmania Sweeps UCSD

    March 11, 2026

  • Emerald Fennell Threatens Literature with New Adaptation

    March 11, 2026

  • Pastor Denounces Middle East ‘Christians’

    March 11, 2026

  • Super Mario Brothers Super Protest

    March 11, 2026

  • Man Negotiates Best Ever Phone Plan

    March 11, 2026

We gave up real news for Lent

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Online Exclusive

  • May 28, 2025

    How The Sunshine Market Renovation Ruined My Life

    Scene: It’s the first day of Spring Quarter, and I’m walking through Price Center. I am unbothered, serene even, as I dodge the usual lunchtime swarm …

Give tofu me give eat tofu me eat tofu give me eat tofu give me you!

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