Features
These are features from the newspaper. Centerspread and Backspread can also be found in their respective pages.
Horoscopes – May 2024
⦿ Gemini ⦿ May 21 – June 20Happy Gemini season! This month, your power-ups include perfectly reheating pizza, doing one point better than average on your …
Susan Bagel: Asparagus
This spring at the grocery store, I held a bundle of asparagus in my hands and ran a finger down a sinewy length. I thought perhaps …
The MQ’s Spring Break
We know how you feel after Winter Quarter — destroyed, defeated, and delirious. We only have 168 hours to feel better before Spring Quarter starts, so …
Carlton’s Column for Clowns, Jesters, and Fools
I get it, it’s easy to hate being a clown. We make people happy, until we don’t. We’re too much, too scary, too garish. We disrupt …
Ursa Missing: The Case of the Stolen Statue
Hello, reader. I know my reputation as a world-famous literary detective precedes me. But, I will condescend to say that this week, I, Detective Sebastian Stone, …
