The MQ

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The MQ Gets Bought Out in a Hostile Takeover

Written by: The MQ

recently, we were bought out by some awesome, sweet, and superHot businEssmen! and we totally had a say in it! they’ve changed aLmost everything about our paPer in the best way possible! we’re so gratefUl for the sophiSticated new ideas they’ve added to our team! We need to CAPITALIZE on this chance.

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Pizzeria experiences gas leak

Written by: The MQ

The whole place is flooded with carbonara monoxide

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We couldn’t print a great tit

Written by: The MQ

So here’s a chick with nice legs

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The MQ Rates All the New Dishes HDH Introduced to Save Money

Written by: The MQ

Under the duress of having feed all these new mouths on campus, HDH has caved into cheaper options.

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Man Horrified to Find That He Now Operates Under Looney Tunes Physics

Written by: The MQ

Man Horrified to Find That He Now Operates Under Looney Tunes Physics “My life is neither looney nor tuney,” said Hanky Human, a local insurance salesman. …

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Top Ten Classes You Didn’t Know You Could Take at UCSD

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Classes You Didn’t Know You Could Take at UCSD POLI 71: Lying PHIL 120: How to Start a Cult MMMMMW: The History of Food …

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Worst Campus Jobs

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Top Ten Things We Did in Remote Learning that We Should Continue in Person

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Things We Did in Remote Learning that We Should Continue in Person Skipping class Secretly making fun of the professor while they lecture Bringing …

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Top Ten Lesser Known Starbucks Drinks to Spice up the Fall

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Lesser Known Starbucks Drinks to Spice up the Fall Twink drink Impossible Pumpkin latte Ricin macchiato Gravy espresso Decaf latte (just milk!) Smashing Pumpkins …

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Top Ten Similarities Between Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Similarities Between Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald Natural redheads Mascots of late-stage capitalism Contributed to the collapse of the USSR Share the middle name …