STEPS FOR THE PERFECT CRIME
Step 1. Wake up, fresh faced, ready to take on the morning
Step 2. Put on a cute, but comfortable outfit!
Step 3. Walk to the store
Step 4. Enter the store
Step 5. Buy ingredients for your afternoon snack
Step 6. Hey, bananas!
Step 7. Flour!
Step 8. Totally need eggs
Step 9. Oh, they have paint on sale! We should totally get some!
Step 10. Baking soda, vanilla extract, butter
Step 11. Oh, definitely walnuts
Step 12. Walk home, thinking yearningly for banana bread
Step 13. Arrive home
Step 14. Bake banana bread!!!
Step 15. Oh shoot, I left the paint in the car
Step 16. Eat banana bread
Step 17. YUMMMMMMM
Step 18. Drive to campus
Step 19. Ugh, there’s no parking
Step 20. Draw fake lines for extra parking spots
HOW WE TRIED TO GET AWAY
This would obviously work. Everyone sees the world through the same perspective! Why are the cops still talking? Maybe they still see us? Let’s try something else….
Ok so there’s this chemistry teacher in Albuquerque, New Mexico, who’s totally broke. His name is Walter White, which is alliteration, just like the title of the show. Lots of alliterations! Then he realizes that he can synthesize illicit substances in his underground lab. Oh, wait, that’s illegal…Um…
Now we’re running so fast. Legs are on fire. Should’ve worked out more. Panting so hard. Legs giving out. Can’t breathe.
Okay we made it to the car, get in! Get in! I feel like we’re driving in circles…did I just pass a baby driving a car? Let’s-a-go! Just 200 more feet to the finish line! Hopefully this shell will absorb the bullets while we do a cool drift around this corner. Oh no, they used a blue shell!
Ouch, we spun out! Then we drove all the way home. Ooh, wait, something smells really good. Right, we just made banana bread! Maybe we can offer the cops a slice. After all, the combination of walnuts and bananas is absolutely heavenly. Wait, that worked? I guess banana bread solves all problems.
Last modified: September 21, 2021