Rumor Miller
Point: Help! My Roommate was Wounded by a Strange Creature!
Last night, my roommate — let’s call her Jane — came back from an 8 p.m. discussion in Revelle, but she didn’t come back the same. She came back changed. Bruised, battered, hurt. I’ve never seen someone with so many bandages on who wasn’t a character in Grey’s Anatomy! Between our 6 p.m. coffee chat where I’d gone over all the day’s drama and her return from discussion, something had gotten to her.
I, of course, offered my most sincere condolences to her upon those terrible, terrible injuries. I expect she’ll be bedridden for a fortnight, if not more, to recuperate. Something truly horrid happened to her that night: I will not — I dare not! — ask her what transpired, as it must have been truly painful, and I would not want her to relive the awful moment in which she was mauled.
We must, as always, stay vigilant. There must be a strange creature prowling Revelle at night, injuring those hapless enough to cross the Plaza. It got to Jane — what’s to keep it from getting someone else next? Jane is so injured that I truly fear for the next person to cross it.
Perhaps there is some talisman to keep us poor souls who must venture that way late at night safe? Should we wear the anchor of Revelle College at all times? May it even be permissible to skip those dreadful late-night discussions and lectures? We must stay safe. Jane’s injury will not — must not — have been in vain.
Alive and Ill
Counterpoint: There Is No Strange Creature
I can’t believe I have to say this, but here goes: THERE IS NO STRANGE CREATURE IN REVELLE. Nope, nope, not even the ghost of Roger Revelle haunts those cursed hallways. I didn’t get mauled by a mythical beast: I walked into a column because I forgot my glasses and I hurt my knees by skipping physical therapy. No traumatic injuries happened at all: I was born a klutz with malformed collagen, okay? I don’t need condolences about a monster attack that didn’t happen.
Walking to Revelle at night isn’t fun, especially on those rainy nights where wearing glasses somehow means that taking them off results in better vision, but it’s not dangerous. And look, I may not have heard from my friends who live in Revelle in a few weeks, but that isn’t due to any supernatural influences. If anything, I’m sure they’d be the first to tell me if a strange creature was stalking the college at night; they’re engineering majors! They stay awake from 4 p.m. until 4 a.m. every single day.
So, I can confidently say that my friends definitely would’ve told me if they’d come across a weird beast. That’s what friends are for. But they’ve got midterms to study for, so their silence is normal: this is UC Socially Dead, oral exams before Instagrams, et cetera. So yeah, I get that we don’t have a lot of campus legends to latch onto, but seriously?! There is no strange creature in Revelle, and there are other fun things to do besides gossip about my disability, Clara.
