Written by: The MQ

  1. Have their children
  2. Never let them open any doors, ever
  3. Get divorced so you can get married again
  4. Put their name before yours on the
    research paper
  5. Eat your partner’s food first, just to make sure it’s not poisoned
  6. Swerve when they’re in the car with you to make sure they appreciate every moment of their life
  7. Grow another chamber in your heart to store all your love for them
  8. Pick them up in your dad’s midlife
    crisis Porsche
  9. Invent a new breed of rock for your
    wedding ring
  10. Have them for dinner

The MQ is the premier satire magazine at UC San Diego

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