Last week, a first year Revelle student reportedly put up an obscene image in their dorm window for all to see. The visual in question was a “clearly illicit” candid photo of a well-known UC San Diego professor shown to be dancing what appeared to be the Cha-Cha Slide.
The Office of Student Conduct took action immediately, tearing down the offending poster and placing the student in custody. However, the student was soon released as it was determined that students cannot be jailed for such an offense, and that the presiding officer was on a “power trip of sorts.”
When asked about the situation, the student seemed to think the whole thing was “pretty funny.”
“Well, I can say that I’ve been to jail now, so that’s something to put on my resume,” said the student. “I don’t care if those bastards on the fifth floor try to downplay it by saying I was ‘in holding.’ Jail is jail, bro.”
He continued on, declaring, “Also, if any of my future professors decide to get smart with me, they’re gonna be next. You can run, but you can’t hide anything once I’ve decided to Facebook stalk you.”
There has been some debate surrounding the situation, particularly about the content of the photo itself. Some witnesses insisted that the professor was not in fact doing the Cha-Cha Slide, claiming his dance was more reminiscent of the Funky Chicken. The two sides have subsequently become incredibly polarized, and the conflict has escalated beyond what anyone could have imagined. Some have gone as far as to call it “the next white/gold or black/blue dress debate,” and “more vicious than the two party political system.”
It was later found that the source of photo was a tagged post on Facebook that read, “#TBT to my boy killing the game.” An old graduate school friend of the professor’s had created the post as a fun way to reminisce, not intending any of these consequences. When asked to comment, the friend did, in fact, confirm that the professor was dancing the Cha-Cha Slide, triggering a day-long “protest” in which a group of displeased students “aggressively performed the Funky Chicken” at passersby.
After being asked for his side of the story, the professor responded, “Back in my day, I liked to go out and have a good time. I would do my rounds: dance a bit, chat up some strangers, watch students cry over the looming debt that their tuition had brought upon them. What’s so wrong with that?! Don’t shame me for dancing when you heathens have surely done a hell of a lot worse!”
The situation reportedly further escalated after students began attending the professor’s office hours solely to ask that the office hours be converted into dance lessons, causing the professor to have an outburst which revealed a new side to the story of the photo.
“You know what?! I’ve had enough of you all mocking me!” the professor yelled. “My dream of becoming a dancer was naive, I know, but that’s doesn’t mean that you can laugh at me, trash my office, or include me in cringe compilations on YouTube!”
The remaining office hours attendees filed out of the room to allow the professor to reclaim some dignity, save for the student who took video footage of the incident.
At press time, the professor had taken a leave of absence from the university. Rumors have circulated that the professor is “laying low” at his mother’s house for the time being.
Written by: Jade Hookam