Allegations of sexual harassment in the workplace have been on the rise recently as women everywhere have begun to report instances in which they have experienced inappropriate sexual behavior from their male counterparts. With this sudden uptick in sexual harassment claims, many have wondered why these women are only now coming forward. A new study seems to answer this question, finding that one in five women simply lack a sense of humor.
Over the past several months, scientists and statisticians from the Global Research Organization for Public Engagement, or GROPE, conducted an experiment to find what jokes women are capable of enjoying.
“The preliminary work was quite taxing,” explained lead research professor Guy Manson. “We had our funniest statisticians come up with the best jokes they could think of. It took them weeks but man did it show, this stuff was killer – like Jeff Dunham level funny.”
Outlining the methods his organization used, Manson explained, “Our researchers were instructed to go out into the GROPE offices and practice these jokes in stages. For stage one, we wanted to test how women would react to a simple but solidly funny joke, so we had our guys walk up
behind their female colleagues, hold them by their waist, and whisper ‘daddy’s home.’ None of them got it. Already, I knew we were on to something big.”
Manson then explained stage two, saying that the researchers were asked to come into work for a week with no clothing below the waist: “We called it ‘Porky Pigging,’ and most of the women did not seem to understand the joke hanging flaccidly in their face.”
“So finally we tried our stage three joke,” Manson continued. “We would tell the gals we needed to ‘tune into Tokyo,’ and would then grab and twist their breasts back and forth like the dials of a radio. This bit killed in the writer’s room with the other guys, but for some reason it bombed out there.”
Using the total number of reports filed with human services, GROPE came to the conclusion that one in five women are incapable of understanding jokes.
“The implications of these findings are huge,” explained Manson. “This could explain the lack of female representation in the comedy community. Through no fault of their own, they physically cannot laugh at solid punchlines even when they’re landing clammily on their chest.”
Despite GROPE’s confidence, the study has received a mixed reaction from the public. Women advocacy groups have voiced their criticisms, such as “12 women quitting their job because they were working with literal dicks does not constitute a scientific finding.” However, men working in entertainment, politics, and journalism have flooded GROPE with donations. A statement released by disgraced newsman Charlie Rose said, “I am glad to know I supported science independently in the past, and am delighted to support it more substantially today.”
When asked what GROPE plans to do with the funds they are receiving, Manson explained, “Once we cover the settlement fees and get that Margaritaville mixer in the breakroom the guys have been asking for … definitely more science. We’re not really sure. But don’t worry, when we at GROPE get our hands on something, you’ll know it!”