Photo by Sharon Roth
Facing increasing climate change effects, the public has been placing pressure on large corporations to significantly reduce their greenhouse gas emissions. The largest contributor to climate change, Nintendo, has experienced the most scrutiny for their gasoline-fueled kart racing, despite the company’s claim that their rate of emissions were “speeding up less than they did last year. That’s progress.”
Millions of children and adults load up Mario Kart every day to battle their friends, and each session can last up to several hours. According to climate change specialists, just one 30-minute round of Mario Kart emits 0.69 pounds of various greenhouse gases directly into the atmosphere. These levels of greenhouse gases are warming the earth at an “alarmingly dangerous rate.” Climate activists began calling out Nintendo on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, but even after weeks of this cyber scandal, there was radio silence on Nintendo’s behalf.
Nintendo was finally urged to break their silence after Elon Musk, the creator of Tesla, threatened to “take matters into [his] own hands” if Nintendo didn’t publicly apologize. In response, the president of Nintendo of America, Doug Bowser, issued an apology via Instagram Boomerang, writing the text: “Im sowwy,” atop a moving selfie with a kitty filter on. This apology was not well received by most social media users, but Elon Musk himself tweeted that he was “the most upset out of everyone.” Just two hours later, Bowser suddenly took down his apology and posted a video of him sitting in a dark room saying that he’s “updating all versions of Mario Kart to replace the karts with electric Teslas to reduce Nintendo’s carbon footprint and also because Teslas are awesome and Elon Musk is a hunk.”
Although the majority of his audience were busy celebrating this environmental victory, there were some Instagram followers that were startled by the video. One Instagrammer commented: “If you zoom in on Bowser’s eyes, you can see the reflection of Elon Musk pointing a Glock at him.” Upon the release of the new environmentally friendly update, users noticed that all of the new electric kart selections were the same Tesla model in slightly different colors, and that all of the characters in the game were replaced by Elon Musk wearing different hats.
While climate change activists were “obviously very ecstatic” about the introduction of electric vehicles, longtime Mario Kart fans were surprisingly even more excited, claiming that the new electric karts have made the game better than ever. One very dedicated Mario Kart racer explained he loves the update because “the game’s packaging comes with a free syringe to inject yourself with a special serum that Elon Musk says makes you better at Mario karting!”
Ultimately, Nintendo’s decision to swap out the traditional Mario karts for electric vehicles was beneficial for both crowds. Climate change activists were satisfied by Nintendo’s rapid reduction in their carbon footprint and dedicated Nintendo fans were incredibly enthusiastic about the special Elon Musk serum and its effect on the quality of the game. One such fan, when interviewed, opened his mouth and spewed out binary code, which was later translated into: “Elon Musk is the greatest man alive. Praise him. Elon Musk is king!”