Man From Bay Area Has Inexplicable Southern Accent; Experts Perplexed

A man from the Bay Area has caused mass confusion due to his inexplicable Southern accent. “Sometimes if I’m getting a haircut the barber will ask where I’m from, and I just say North Carolina ‘cause it’s easier.” The accent causes chronic predicaments for Max Acceptable, who when asked about the confusion, says, “It’s fine.”

When asked about his unique drawl, Acceptable’s parents were unable to explain its origin. “Our son was born and raised in San Francisco! We’re from the South, but we’ve never even taken Max east of Nevada,” says Acceptable’s mother. His parents have spent hundreds of dollars on speech therapy, but Acceptable’s accent has only grown stronger. “The most Southern thing we did at home was eat barbeque sometimes,” says Acceptable’s father.

Experts in accent manifestation were unable to identify the origin of Acceptable’s drawl. “He uses phrases and intonation common in the South, but nothing about him is Southern,” they say. They’ve documented similar cases, including “wannabe English accents,” but report that “no other cases have been as persistent as Max’s.” When asked for further comment, Acceptable’s only response was, “Roll Tide.”