Brexit Delayed Until 2045


Written by: Bri Arce

While there was a referendum on whether or not Boris Johnson should be tarred and feathered, everyone who would have voted “no” stayed at home.
Photo by Jack Yang

Early Thursday morning, representatives of the European Union revealed plans for another Brexit extension through a tweet, the modern mode of conducting international political discourse. Sensing the unlikelihood of a successful Brexit plan in the near future, President of the European Council Donald Tusk tweeted: “In order to avoid the hassle of Prime Minister Boris Johnson groveling at our feet for many small deadline extensions, we decided that it was best to preemptively extend the deadline to 2045 so we have more time to figure out how to best ignore our deeply rooted subsidy corruption.”

British talks about exiting the EU, beginning in 2016, have slowly but surely become more divided. According to an official spokesperson for Parliament, “The House of Commons shares an increasing amount of similarities with a chimp cage as seen through the fecal deposits found on the desks of the members who attempt to make concessions on the deal. The general consensus is that Parliament has become a semi-warzone since the presence of cholera has prompted all members of parliament (MPs) to only wear Hazmat suits. The emotional toll Brexit proceedings have taken on MPs has led to these sorts of bizarre occurrences.” Some visitors to Parliament even reported observing some of the representatives spike their own tea in order to get through the debates leading up to the vote.

After three years, the British negotiators and the European Union have yet to produce a plan that is acceptable to Parliament, and political analysts have suggested that new Prime Minister Boris Johnson is a major reason for this. A case study from the United States shows that “international policies presented by old, conservative men with floppy blond hair and an inflated ego” do not go over well with foreign governments. British citizens report the study to be consistent with their lives, with one chiming in, “Oi mate, at least my hair doesn’t look like a mop of straw on me head.” This critically thought-out and politically conscious response is one example of the nuanced understanding of politics evident in the modern world.

PM Boris Johnson had planned to pass his Brexit plan by October 31, saying he’d rather “end up “dead in a ditch” than extend the deadline for a third time. Johnson has yet to make his ditch debut, and the people of Britain are reportedly just as impatient as Johnson was to see him follow through on his promise.

Design Editor

Bri Arce is the Assistant Design Editor for the MQ, responsible for all the pretty colored spreads you see in our issues! A first-year political science major, she is passionate about the aesthetics of the paper and works hard to make it the best it can be.

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