Local Muir student Morpheus Kent is reportedly “still sleepy af” after sleeping for three days. Kent has agreed to break his nap times into 20 minute increments to provide an exclusive interview with us. “Listen man, I’ve been trying my hardest to train for the sleepathon that is coming up next July. It’s very hard work,” said Kent while nodding off in exhaustion.

Kent’s roommate Troy Paris was reportedly upset over Kent’s training schedule. “Look, Morpheus is in our room all the time. I cannot get any personal space. I keep trying to get it on with my girlfriend, Helen, but every time we get to my room, he’s already there. You know, sleeping and making weird noises that really kill the mood. Doesn’t he have classes to attend, anyways?”

Kent tells reporters he was unconcerned with Paris’s complaints. “I can’t let him hold me back from winning this competition. I have a very rigorous sleep routine that can’t be deviated from. Of course, I take an occasional cheat day and get out of bed to go to school, but I try to focus on what’s really important here.”