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Point/Counter Point: Swearing

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Point: No Son of Mine Will Swear in This Household

By Damon McMann
Disappointed Father

Son, come here. Get your old man a beer from the fridge. Thanks. While you’re here, I wanted to have a talk with you. I know you’re getting older and becoming your own person — which is important — but your mother and I had a talk. We both agree that while you’re under our roof there are some ground rules that you’re going to need to abide by. I know what you’re thinking: “Fine Dad, I won’t vape in the house.” And yeah, I think the vaping should ABSOLUTELY stay outside the house, but that’s not my main concern. My main concern is with your language. I know that you’re young, and maybe you think it’s cool to swear, but it’s not. It’s unnecessary, and furthermore, it’s uncouth. Just yesterday, your mother heard you swearing in your room with the door locked. Maybe you didn’t hear her, or maybe you didn’t care, but she came bawling to me. I don’t know what you and your friends do, but that kind of stuff needs to stay out of the house. And while you’re at it, you need to watch your tone. The “how” and “what” of your words have a big impact on the people around you. Think of how much your little sister looks up to you. What do you think she’s going to do if she hears you swearing around the house? It’s bad enough we have to tell her not to vape as much as you do, but swearing? That’s where we draw the line. Look, I don’t want to be the bad guy or anything, but I want to make sure that you’re best prepared for the future — I’m only looking out for
you, godammit!

Counter Point: I’ve Already Taken the Oath of Office, and There’s Nothing You Can Do About It

By Hank McMann
Youngest US Senator

Dad, I appreciate your concern, and I understand why you’re laying down the law, so to speak. But I have something to tell you. I tried to keep it a secret because I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I was just sworn into office earlier this month. And before you get angry at me, you need to know that public service is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was a kid. I’ve pretended to swear on books, religious texts, random social artifacts, anything to make me feel like I was making a difference in my community. But now that I’m an elected official, I’ll be able to make a change for real, and start to enact meaningful policies that benefit the masses. I’m kind of amazed that nobody else has tried that yet, honestly. As for my tone, I would hope that the “how” and “what” of my words have an impact — we’re trying to get single-payer healthcare passed, for Christ’s sake. I need all the impactful words I can get! Likewise, I’m glad that my sister looks up to me. I think it’s fantastic that she’s swearing so early, as I think you’ll agree that we need more women in politics. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that from now on, I’m not going to swear in the house anymore. I’m in the senate now. Going forward, the only swearing I’ll be doing is on a book — once approximately every six years as determined by the electorate.

Editor in Chief Emeritus at The MQ

Stephen Lightfoot is Editor in Chief of The MQ.

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