A recent study conducted by the American Press Institute revealed that pursuing a career in journalism is the most effective path for increased perceived attraction. The study contained many sections, including one where participants were asked to rank attractiveness after being shown the descriptions of careers. Careers included firefighters (“uses hundreds of gallons of water to stop a natural process”); bodybuilders (“spends all day indoors lifting things, drinking milkshakes”); and of course, journalists (“tirelessly researches, informs the public, saves the world”).
API spokesperson Brandon Asahi stated, “Many seem to be unaware of journalism as a career path, and those who are aware seem to have major misconceptions. I don’t think anyone who has seen a journalist is surprised by the results. We hope this will bring young talent into our field, and portray just how glamorous our careers really are.” Asahi later added privately, “If I have to read another top ten list masquerading as news, I’m going to scoop my eyes out with a melon baller.”
The study, “Journalism is Hot, We Swear,” had varied responses among people in other fields. Jennifer Alison, a professional model, responded to outreach by saying, “It just doesn’t make sense. I spend all my time focusing on refining my body and trying to be as attractive as I can, and you’re telling me that people informing the public of the world’s events are sexier?” NFL player Cameron le Monde had tears in his eyes as he declared, “I’m not going to spend my last 10 years of having a functioning brain being less desirable than somebody sitting on their laptop in Starbucks writing a few words every couple of hours. As such, I am announcing my retirement, effective immediately.” Later in the week, he would sign a contract for 168 million dollars over six years with the LA Times.
The collegiate public, to whom the study is particularly relevant, also had varied responses. When shown the results, a local college student said it was “unsurprising,” and that the newspaper organizations on campus “are total smokeshows. Like damn.” Other students were less enthusiastic, with 15 percent of those polled saying that they thought newspapers and journalism were “one of those things their parents made up to mess with them, like the Tooth Fairy or retirement.” Another student, Briana Cortez, commented, “I don’t deal well with death, why are you asking me about this?”
In the time after the study’s release, journalism programs nationwide have seen enrollment numbers quadrupled. One student, who had already been in the program for two years, expressed satisfaction with the study, saying she was thrilled “that people are finally recognizing the unparalleled sex appeal of journalism.” Another was less pleased, saying, “I’m already tired of people thinking I’m here for the lifestyle and sex. I just want to write about how messed up the world is. Is that too much to ask?”