First-Year Revelle Student Actually Reads the Assigned Reading

Written by: Adam Yoshinaga

“I’ve never heard of the Bible before this class, but it was such a good read. I can’t believe it’s not more popular,” said Sedah.
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot

On February 15, after seeing “see me after class” as the grade on his first paper, first-year Revelle student Adam Sedah has signfigantly changed his academic approach to the required Humanities 1 course. Sedah shared his epiphany to his suitemates, saying, “I think it might be a good idea to actually try reading the books. Maybe they’re called ‘required reading’ for a reason.”

Revelle College is known for its rigorous six-unit general education courses focusing on ancient kingdoms, and are infamous amongst students as “GPA wreckers.” According to a recent study, 82 percent of premed students in Revelle College were rejected from their top 10 medical schools because of their lackluster GPA, with many students attributing it to the college’s humanities program.

Several of Sedah’s classmates recall their TA, a philosophy graduate student, recommending that he should attempt to “actually read the texts and write the essay himself” rather than write a “half-assed SparkNotes summary” on the topic. One classmate, Sarah Foyer, shared her opinion on the TA: “She’s doing her PHD in philosophy, how am I supposed to even write something that she won’t question the existence of? The other day I told her I would’ve been on time to discussion if I hadn’t missed the bus, but she was like, ‘Oh no, you see, you don’t know that … nobody knows that … that’s like saying you would have become president if you left five minutes earlier.’ She doesn’t make any sense!”

When asked to comment on the advice she gave to Sedah, the TA claimed that she was joking. “You think that anyone who’s not a monk can read anything that dry? Bro, this stuff’s old as hell, I said it cause I get paid to.”

Foyer also commented on the TA’s advice to Sedah, saying, “That’s absurd that he wants you to read the books. Nobody reads the books, some of us are just better at bullshitting than others. I mean, it worked throughout high school, so it has to work here too.”

Adam Sedah reportedly took the advice of his TA, to the surprise of many, and chose to read the next assigned reading, the Bible. Sources report that Sedah received an “A+” after turning in his essay. Many of his classmates reportedly shared that they were amazed. When asked to comment on his grade, Sedah said “I literally just read the book. Nothing more to it than that.”

Other UCSD students have expressed doubts regarding Sedah actually reading the Bible. One fourth-year Revelle student, a devout member of UCSD’s Christian Society, appeared suspicious of the circumstances, saying, “I think we’ve got some sort of Watergate going on here. There is no way anyone can read that shit, it’s so goddamn boring.” Others reportedly believe the situation involves “personal relationships” between Sedah and the TA. “One time, I saw Adam and the TA pop out of the janitor’s closet next to the classroom,” said an anonymous student. “Something tells me that God wasn’t with them in the closet that day.”

As a result of his A+, Sedah has since been appointed as the new Director of Humanities Program, replacing the former director Stephen Cox, who admitted to never reading the assigned readings himself. Sedah plans on abolishing the humanities program and replacing it with a program centralized around the “makings of the modern world.”

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One Reply to “First-Year Revelle Student Actually Reads the Assigned Reading”

  1. XMCpl says:

    If you really want you can look the other way and not talk about it. The real truth comes with being honest with yourself and your goals. This will lead to a sad and unfulfilling life.

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