Written by: Andrew Sitko

The entire state of Kansas has lifted up into the atmosphere and has flown directly into the sun. Sam Workmon, a Colorado resident, claims that on January 21, the entire state lifted itself out of the ground and emitted “a deafening screech with a blinding blue light.” Although this was reported on the day of the incident, police refused to believe the statement and launched a sweep that has so far lasted two weeks.

In Burlington, Colorado, a city 13 miles from where the Kansas border previously laid, Police Chief Kaimer gave the following statement on the state’s disappearance: “We at first did not believe Workmon’s testimony because he was under the influence of cannabis when we took his statement. A week later we sent a patrol team out to the border after a shipment of corn didn’t arrive at the local Whole Foods. They came back saying that they couldn’t tell if Kansas had lifted off, since the remaining land was still just as flat. We now realize the Kansas shaped patch of debris and upturned rocks is in fact all that is left of the state. Without Workman’s report, it probably would have taken us months to notice.”

Managing Editor at The MQ

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

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