Written by: Rhys Shriver

Last Sunday, area student Levi Schreiber voiced her surprise after going on to TritonEd and seeing that her grade was a 62 percent.

“It’s incredible!” Levi exclaimed, “I’ve done pretty much all the homework assignments and written all the essays! That last one might have been incoherent because I wrote it at 4 a.m. on the day of, but, goddamn, if it wasn’t submitted on time! I even went to discussion once or twice, so how do I still have a D-? If I can’t pick up my grade with the final, I swear my professor is gonna hear about this on the CAPEs … ”

When asked for comment, Levi’s TA, Selena Jakobson responded, “Who? Oh you mean that one girl who sits in the back of the class. I haven’t seen her in discussion OR lecture since Week Two. Participation is 30 percent of your grade, so I don’t know what she was expecting.”

Levi was allegedly last found listening to Britney Spears’s “Work B**ch” while crying and studying for the class’s final.

Content Editor at The MQ

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