Written by: MQ Trophy Husband

Second year UCSD student Neil Caiman told reporters he recently noticed a fourth apartment-mate living with him that he had not accounted for just last night. “My friends and I were planning our trip to Cancun for spring break when one of them asked me if Nemo came with us,” confided Caiman. “Nemo? Who is Nemo?”

“Apparently, Neil didn’t know that Nemo lived in the last room down the hall,” said Jackson Lu, Caiman’s roommate, “Nemo is a very private guy, keeps to himself, and he doesn’t seem very keen on going to classes, but he’s had to have seen him some time or another,” said Lu.

“I honestly thought that Nemo’s room was our storage room. Everyone kept storing the vacuum there. How was I supposed to know there is a human being there?” said Caiman.

“In hindsight, this makes much more sense. At first I thought we had an animal infestation in our apartment. I would hear noises in the kitchen in the late hours of the night and a very frantic digging in our pantry, but when I started finding handwritten grocery lists, that option was ruled out.”

Caiman concluded, “I’m glad to finally know who the hell was living in my apartment and leaving me passive aggressive notes reminding me to take out the trash.”

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