UCSD computer science students recently had a major positive change in their working environment with a new CSE lab added to the building, named Freddie. Reportedly, the new Labrador Retriever’s favorite treats are Beggin’ Strips, and his favorite pastime is playing catch on Warren Field.
Many students are discussing how overjoyed they are with the addition of Freddie like first year Grant Xiao: “My day instantly got better the first time I walked into the CSE dungeon. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t even notice that he chewed through my Math 20B notebook. Freddie was really adorable. Also, I might have bombed that second midterm.”
Computer science major Wesley Robertsson shared a similar experience: “I haven’t managed to get past the entrance to the CSE building yet this quarter. Freddie always tackles me and by the time I make it to the door, I’m covered in fur and my lab section is over. I’m on track to fail three of my classes this quarter, but Freddie gets an A in Making My Day Better 101.”
Other students report the positive influence of Freddie on their grades. “My friend was giving me the answers to a quiz one day when Freddie ran up to him and distracted him. While I didn’t get those answers, it turns out my friend got a 10/20 on the quiz anyways. Thanks, Freddie!” commented third year Sean Davison.
Once considered the most stressed and depressed students in the university, CSE students now enjoy constant happiness and relaxation most students can only wish for. “I don’t think I’ll be able to graduate in four years anymore because I was playing too much frisbee with Freddie, but who cares about achieving academically when Freddie is achieving in stealing my heart every day!” said fourth year Doug Wilson, grinning. The computer science department announced that it will not replace laptops or backpacks demolished by Freddie but claims that “memories made with Freddie are irreplaceable, which makes up for it.”
The daily functionings of the CSE buildings have been revolutionized as a result of Freddie’s influence. To create an effective study environment, there is a new shoe cubby area for Freddie’s enjoyment and a new soundproof wall between the entrance and the remainder of the building which was reportedly constructed to drown out the chorus of students and faculty vocalizing their enjoyment of Freddie’s fascination with Uggs. A small Chromebook cart has been made available in a sideroom of the building for those with dog allergies, and some suspicious students have been banned from the building because “Freddie didn’t seem to like them, and Freddie likes basically everybody.”
One of the offenders, fourth year Grace Johnson, is unhappy with the change: “I had enjoyed my time in this department for so long, and now a dog is keeping me from going to my professor’s office hours? Freddie needs to go.” Other students have chimed in, commenting, “Freddie is the purest being on God’s earth,” “Grace is an ugly bitch,” and “My girlfriend left me for Freddie.”