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Point/Counter Point

Written by: Matt Olson

Point: I’m Not Sure Death Matches Are the Best Way to Decide CSE Major Availability

By Francis McCoy
Undeclared Freshman

Okay, so I understand that the CSE department is packed and that the
major is severely impacted. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get that it’s a popular major, and I’m not surprised.

The school’s department is great and it’s a good time to be learning how to code because the job market will only grow from here. But is the best way to decide who can get into the program really basement death matches? I’m not sure how being able to beat someone up is grounds for admittance.

It makes a lot more sense for the criteria to be based on merit and ability. I mean, when I was nine years old I built a robot that did my homework for me, so I don’t know why that’s not being considered. I didn’t keep a
perfect 4.0 GPA and become valedictorian at my private high school just so I can be denied my dream major because I refuse to kill one of my classmates. It’s absurd. I thought that I came to college to make new friends and network, not to try and hurt my fellow classmates. This is revolting and deeply, deeply upsetting, and I’m going to speak to the Chancellor about this. How did this policy even get passed, anyway?


By Grognak, Destroyer of Worlds
CSE Department Chair

TINY MAN, your Dining Dollars and OVERCROWDED DORM not impress GROGNAK. You not know HORRORS of world, like TRAFFIC or BASIC CABLE. You not know how world WORK. How you get JOB when you not beat COMPETITION? No better time to prepare for CSE career than CAGE DEATHMATCH during BLOOD MOON. GROGNAK know you scared, GROGNAK not care.

When GROGNAK your age, he already soul-bonded with STRONGEST woman in village. GROGNAK tore heart out of lesser suitor then write code to make ROBOT MOCK HIM at FUNERAL. Was good funeral, lots of ale and PUNCHING.

GROGNAK not join Computer Science and Engineering Department to show SMALL MEN how to SIT at computer. GROGNAK join to show SMALL MEN how to become BIG MEN that SIT at computer. You think GROGNAK job EASY? GROGNAK work HARD for job, also GROGNAK eat previous department chair.

LISTEN, small man. GROGNAK here to help, GROGNAK help you SUCCEED. GROGNAK KNOW your struggle, GROGNAK also sometime feel LOST in world. But you thank GROGNAK after you graduate, when you get I.T. job by PUNCHING RECRUITER. GROGNAK motto “Smart men know how code, SMARTER MEN know how PUNCH.” GROGNAK KNOW what he talking about, GROGNAK TENURED.

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