Manic Pixie Dream Girl Chosen to Be New Movie Lead


Written by: Rhys Shriver

“The visible half of your body is doing great,” said Scottgard to Jennson, while the camera continued to zoom in closer on him.
Photo by: Daniel Clinton

Last Sunday, October 29, famous director Garrold Scottgard announced his decision to cast Burgundy Jennson in a completely unwanted live-action version of the popular anime and manga, “Soul Eater.”

Scottgard first got the idea for the movie after a particularly poor football game which reportedly left him feeling “incredibly depressed and
reclusive” for months on end, until he happened upon Jennson in a chance encounter at the manga section of a local bookstore.

“It was surreal,” Scottgard explained. “I was still brooding over a horrible loss [by my favorite football team], and I never thought I would feel again. In my listlessness, I wandered into a bookstore and, by chance, happened to bump into Burgundy, who was reading a copy of “Soul Eater.” After I bumped into her and we fell, we both reached for the manga, and when our hands brushed, I looked into her beautiful, wide, generic color eyes and found my inspiration. After the next few days of hijinks, I knew that I had to make a movie to commemorate our time together, and cast exclusively her and my other actor friends in said movie.”

Auditions for the new “Soul Eater” movie went at a lightning pace, with hundreds of aspiring hopefuls racing to fill up the final positions. Despite the amount of incredible talent that showed up to the tryouts, the lead roles were given to Jennson, Scottgard’s scrappy comedic partner-in-crime, Scottgard’s distant and awkward childhood friend, Jennson’s
down-to-earth and bookish best friend, and Jennson’s sister’s friend’s cousin’s secretary’s granddaughter.

Many of the auditioning actors complained about Scottgard’s nepotism and lack of people of color, to which he only replied, “It’s my film, it takes place in Chicago, so why does it matter who I cast? Everyone has been asking for this, and you’re not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“Uh … I don’t think literally anyone asked for this,” stated self-proclaimed shonen connoisseur Lia Anderson, when asked about the upcoming movie. “We don’t need more remakes of things just because they’re not in English. Just localize it. And why cast Jennson as the lead? The story takes place in Japan. Does the director know it takes place in Japan?”

Later that day, reporters asked about her motivations and goals for the movie, Jennson stated, “I’m really excited to do this movie. I really wanted to help Garrold get out of his funk, and this seemed to really make him happy.” When they asked about her acting background and personal
history, she proceeded to repeat her previous statement, and allegedly continued to say the exact same two statements and make uncomfortable
prolonged eye contact until the reporters left.

The movie is expected to hit theaters in late 2018, and is expected to be a hit at the box office like other classic movies of the genre, such as “Death Note” and “Ghost in the Shell,” which were critically acclaimed and famous among fans of the original content. Additionally, Garrold has already voiced his plan to make the series a trilogy, allegedly getting inspiration from Jennson and any other women the director inexplicably falls in love with after two total minutes of interaction.

Content Editor at The MQ

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *