The end of Week 3 saw the gathering of conservationists and conversationalists in an event reported to be “marked by the scent of fresh ink and sustainability.” A motorcade of two golf carts and a Bright Event Rentals truck had successfully transported a breeding population of Oxford commas from the wilds of local community colleges to the canyon by Franklin Antonio Hall, and the first specimens were released into the surrounding eucalyptus this past Sunday.
As a carnivorous subspecies of the more docile listing comma, the Oxford comma was completely extirpated from the University of California biome in the 1980s by “very determined” brand managers, as described by ecologist-cum-grammarian Cedric Canadensis. “Just because a pack of Oxfords would prey on a bit of ink money every now and then, they were all smudged to extinction. But without an apex predator to keep the environment in check, there was an overpopulation of misunderstandings. Imagine if you really, truly enjoyed cooking your family and your friends. Nature is simply healing.”
Canadensis and his colleagues predict that the Oxford commas will need until spring to acclimate to their natural habitats of websites and Chancellor-written emails. “With the changing seasons, we can only hope that campus’ perception of this practical punctuation will mature as well.”
