In anticipation of an exceptionally fraught election season, the United States Senate has announced the bipartisan passing of a bill that will raise the legal Blood Alcohol Concentration from 0.08% to 0.40% on Election Night only.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer issued a statement in tandem with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, saying, “We are all aware of how much is at stake in this election. We think we’re actually too aware. The American people have to take the edge off now more than ever, and we think this is the perfect solution.” The bill, backed by Anheuser-Busch lobbyists, saw unprecedented 100% bipartisan support and quickly passed through the House and Senate “like a hammered co-ed on a greased slip ’n slide,” according to one senator.
After the passing of the bill, Representatives and Senators reportedly gathered in the lobby of the Capitol building and opened countless Busch Lights with the Senatorial gavel.
Polling organizations immediately began asking the American populace how they felt about the bill. One anonymous poll respondent answered, “Political awareness is a double-edged sword, and oh boy did I get shish-kebabed with it. Now, hand me that ethanol!”
