Written by: Theo Erickson

Meteorologist Marty Harrow recently published the results of several years of research. In his article, he concluded that while daily hours of sunlight fluctuate with the position of Earth in its orbit, this year he is “pretty sure” that the hours will only continue to decrease. Describing his methods, Harrow said, “It’s pretty intuitive. I just look outside, and I think, wow, it’s dark at 4 p.m., and I don’t feel like the sun is ever going to rise again. Some people say this is just because I’m vitamin deficient, but I drink essential oils every day, so I don’t think that’s it.”

Other meteorologists have criticized Harrow’s methods and findings. Barbara Plant said, “[Harrow] chases after bizarre explanations completely disproportionate to his vague ennui. He claims Earth’s northern pole is slowly tilting away from the sun, so the hemisphere where he lives will be eternally dark in two years time. He completely ignores all laws of physics, common sense, and standards of peer review to instill his temporary hopelessness into his worldview. You might think it’s inspiring that it’s so difficult to be reasonably pessimistic, but this isn’t a metaphor — he’s giving meteorologists a worse reputation than Bill Murray.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *