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I caught my teenage son eating candy that contains palm oil, which is killing orangutans. I told him off, but he pointed to my obsession with Fiji water, stating that the jet fuel used to transport it did more direct environmental damage than deforestation. I said that it supported the Fijian economy and he retorted with, “Who? The white corporate class that institutionalized poverty among native Fijians?” I called him a commie, and he called me a class traitor. Now we’re both hungry. Can we just ignore our thinly-veiled morals and order some DoorDash? I’m worn out.
– DRAINED DESMOND

What you should be doing instead is making all of your food from scratch! Nothing is more sustainable or healthy than that. Be sure to take a look at our new, top of the line gadgets that are sure to fill you both with such amazement that you won’t have time for any arguments!

EIC Elect at The MQ

Editor-in-Chief. Fourth Year Double Majoring in English/Writing and Literature, minoring in Linguistics. Like an ouroboros, her jokes consume themselves until no one knows whether they were ever funny. But they are.

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