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Man Horrified to Find That He Now Operates Under Looney Tunes Physics

“My life is neither looney nor tuney,” said Hanky Human, a local insurance salesman. “This all started when one day I tripped in my house and fell through four stories of my building, making a perfect outline of my body on each floor.” Word has quickly spread about Human’s condition, leading to a large mass of people playing comic pranks on the man.

“Every day I leave my house an anvil falls on my head. But that’s not all. You don’t know how many times I’ve been walking to work when the smell of a pie forces me to float wildly off course,” said Human. “And do you know what the worst part is? I still feel all the pain. I may not die after my incorrectly assembled box of mail-order ACME dynamite explodes, but do I still feel the stinging pain of heat, the agony of the explosion.” Human ended this interview by screaming, “That’s all folks!” before having his legs turn into a swirling unidentifiable mass and running off into the sunset.

The MQ is the premier satire magazine at UC San Diego

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