Photo by Jack Yang
The Pokémon Company has whipped up a huge spread of surprises and activities to celebrate the series’ 25th anniversary. We started off the year by holding a virtual concert starring famed musician Post Malone. The musical artist, known for his hit albums Beerbongs & Bentleys and Stoney, sang four songs in a digital CGI world filled with wonderful pokémon. But the excitement doesn’t end there trainers, we’ve got another surprise for you right here: Pokémon Leaks and Pokémon Rumors versions. These games are filled with all of those absolutely stupid ideas that have been spread through leaks and rumors about Pokémon games for 25 years.
Let’s run through some of the features you can expect to find in this new Pokémon adventure. First up is humanpokémon fusions. Remember that Pokémon manga that was only published in an obscure Japanese magazine? Well apparently you do, because a lot of people thought this was going to be a feature back in 2017. We really hope the excitement for this idea stems from the prospect of epic battles, and not unsavory thoughts of getting to see Lucario and Gardevoir human-fusion, but we know it’s probably you Rule 34 connoisseurs begging for this one!
After countless years of you begging for this stupid idea, we’re ready to bring you a game where all eight regions are playable. Now you can revisit all your favorite places from your childhood and talk shit about all the new places that suck! Will these eight regions be filled with content or will they be empty, devoid of story, completely boring, and an utter waste of money? That’s something for you to find out when you play the game for yourself (pre-orders now available for $59.99 at your local game store)!
Who could forget alternate starter evolutions? Our fans absolutely love starter pokémon. In fact, a majority of the leaks we’ve seen are fake evolutions for a region’s starter pokémon. Every time these leaks get spread around, half of the comments under all of our posts on social media are fans begging for the leaks to be true and the other threatening to attack our developers if the leaks are real, so we are both excited and terrified to bring these ideas to life!
Get ready for all those scrapped pokémon to be added to the game! Nothing seems to interest the most loyal Pokémon fans than pokémon designs that never made it into the game, so much so that somehow a fan recreation exists of a demo of Pokémon Gold and Pokémon Silver that was shown off in one convention all the way back in ‘97. These designs were scrapped for a reason, mainly because these things were unlovable abominations that should’ve never left the designers’ heads, but if you guys want them so much, here you go!
Remember back on the playground when children would literally make up fake stories about video games with no basis? Why did they do that? We have no idea, but there sure were a lot of them! Pikablue? MissingNo? That Mew under the truck? Absolute classics. I guess that child’s uncle really does work at Nintendo now, because all of these rumors are now in the game!
Well there it is folks! That’s what we’ve got coming to you in our newest games. Hopefully now you can stop harassing us on every post on every platform about these features that were never near official and only existed in obviously fake internet rumors, so we can go back to literally never listening to our fans! Cheers!