ArticlesEditorialNewsNintendo PowerOpinionSpecial IssueSystem Update: The State of Gaming

C’mon Gamers, Let’s Put the Gaming Back into This Gaming Platform!

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

By Daniela Rumor
Head of PR

School always has to ruin everything, am I right? The newest thing it’s been poisoning with its total uncoolness is Discord, which we true gamers still think of as a gaming platform. But now all the normies and jocks have infected it — they made it about people coming together to ask pertinent questions about areas of schoolwork they’re struggling with. It makes us over at Nintendo Power here SICK!

Where’s the gaming? Why are people’s usernames their actual names now, like “Paul,” or “Dylan,” instead of proper nicknames, like “Gay Rat,” or “Scrapegoat?” How do some people justify having poetry lines — or god forbid — their own pretentious thoughts as their custom status? Do some people really think that the phrase “life is a search for inexorable energy” is good enough to be seen by other people? And where is the interest and money spent in gaming? Where’s the people you see online playing League of Legends? We’ll settle for people playing Valorant at this point. Halo, even. We’re desperate.

Gaming as we know it is changing, and we don’t like that. Have you noticed that everything is just different now? It feels like our spaces have been invaded with thoughtful people. Nowadays, people are complaining about the lack of inclusivity in gaming, or how people of color are sexualized, or how player customization enforces a gender binary, or how many games lack strong female characters, or how LGBTQ+ rights are often sidelined — moreso for the representation of transgender characters, or how many minorities are killed off to further a white person’s storyline, or how women in games are still sexualized or … well. It’s bad to complain, you know? Just keep that to yourself.

Don’t drag down the vibes for everyone else. It makes us over at Nintendo feel really, really bad. It’s not our fault we don’t have good enough representation. It’s the game developers who answer to us. Wait, no. It’s a single person high up on the ladder who definitely is not the CEO. Wait — it’s our long-time fans who raised this problem in the first place. Yeah! Let’s go with that. It’s definitely not a systemic issue enforced by a multitude of people and a history of catering to the demographic we find the most likely to give us money, at the expense of everyone else.

And now, with Discord being used as just a funky site for friends, gaming as we know it is going to change. It’s the end of the world. It’s Ganon taking over Hyrule. It’s Tom Nook foreclosing your house. It’s Yoshi getting shot in the head and bleeding out. You don’t want that, do you?

You want to respect gaming, and use gaming platforms, and spend money on Nintendo games, and stop collaborating with each other, and stop bringing attention to the inequality in games, don’t you? Don’t you?

And no, we’re not going to let you connect your Nintendo account to Discord. Please stop asking us. We’re not going to do it.

Kiss my ass,

Daniela Rumor

EIC Elect at The MQ

Former Editor-in-Chief. Like an ouroboros, her jokes consume themselves until no one knows whether they were ever funny. But they are.

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