After a week of “definitely not putting it off,” UCSD first year Brian Mannard has decided to begin the process of moving out, approximately one hour before he is scheduled to catch his flight back home to Maine.
“Yeah, my phone’s alarm just went off a few minutes ago saying that I should be in my Uber on the way to the airport right now. But I figure I probably won’t have to wait more than like 10 minutes for one, so I have at least half an hour to finish packing. That’s more time than I spent studying for my finals, and I definitely didn’t fail them, so I will, 100 percent, catch my flight.”
Unfazed by the crowds of students and parents frantically moving boxes and bags between the residence halls and parking lot, Mannard was confident that he would be able to pack in time for his flight, stating that he “actually doesn’t have that much stuff.”
“My roommate Jack went home yesterday, and I saw that he had been packing like all week. But really, there’s no way I have as much stuff as he does. I mean, the guy brought his surfboard into a triple, and he seemed okay. I figure if he took about six boxes home, there’s no way I’ll have more than two or three. Plus I have a suitcase. Wait, do you think I could fit everything in here? I only bought a few pairs of shoes and a coffee maker this year, so I shouldn’t have much trouble fitting them in my suitcase.”
“I’m not really sure Brian knows what he’s doing,” stated Mannard’s second roommate, Kevin Swartz. “I tried telling him to start packing on like Tuesday, and now it’s Saturday! Did you know that he’s been done with finals since Wednesday morning? What an idiot. He’s been pulling this kind of last-minute shit all year; he literally asked to borrow my underwear one time because he hadn’t done laundry for a month. Between him and the guy who brought a goddamn surfboard to a triple, I couldn’t be happier to be going home.”
When questioned about his packing process, Mannard seemed certain that he was “super close to being done” and only needed “probably like 10 more
minutes to finish up.”
“Okay, I technically haven’t started packing yet, but it definitely took less than an hour to unpack all my stuff when I moved in, so how long could this take? 45 minutes, maybe? Plus I have a hamper full of clothes that I need my mom to wash, so that takes care of like half the clothes I brought here.”
“Now I just need to find some boxes. My second year friend let me in on a secret: apparently I can just grab some from the markets around campus. I know it’s a little last minute, but it’s not like anyone else is gonna do this, right?”
Mannard was later interrupted, suitcase still unpacked, by a call from his father who wished Mannard a safe flight and told Mannard, “Hope you made it through security alright.” Soon after, Mannard could be seen climbing into the dumpsters between the Tioga and Tenaya residence halls, shouting obscenities at passers-by.