Legion of Doom Mourns Fidel Castro, Florence Henderson

Written by: Brandon Mougel

Henderson and Castro reportedly had an active rivalry in the Legion of Doom after the day both of them brought brownies to the potluck.
Photo by: Connor Gorry

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Doom, the recent passing of both Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and the Matriarch of “The Brady Bunch,” Florence Henderson, came as a shock to fellow members. Following the critical skewering of Batman and Superman’s crossover movie, the Legion of Doom had been riding a high note, but the death of two of its most popular members has sent the fearsome formation reeling. In light of this tragic loss, the gang called a special meeting to mourn this dastardly duo gone too soon.

Billionaire philanthropist and alopecia-survivor Lex Luthor, took the podium and began his eulogy of the two.

“The reason I’ve called you all here, other than to destroy Superman of course,” he began, “is to celebrate the life of two titans of evil and mayhem, who supported us throughout the decades: Fidel and Florence.

“Oh, Fidel,” he continued. “Now there was a man committed to evil. All he wanted was to be a baseball player, but when that didn’t work out, he settled for dictator. This man almost sparked a nuclear war, killed thousands of his own people by firing squad, and damaged inumberable more with second-hand smoke. We certainly had our differences when it came to politics, but I always knew we could count on him for support, like the time we were sued when Lucasfilm claimed that the design of our Hall was trademark infringement.

“And Florence, now there’s a story of a lovely lady,” Luthor reminisced. “Her portrayal of a doting mother on ‘The Brady Bunch’ was merely a facade to cover her evil intentions. The truth is, Florence was glad Marsha could never be a teen model. In fact, the only thing she loved in that house was the vase Peter broke in Season 2 Episode 8. Because of Florence, to this day, the housekeeper is still trapped in the center square.”

Mr. Luther eventually wrapped up his heartfelt eulogy and invited the rest of the Legion to say a few words. Eyewitnesses said that the rest of the villains seemed too distraught to offer anything more; Captain Cold seemed “frozen in grief” and the Riddler could be heard mumbling between sobs, “I never guessed I’d have to deal with this kind of loss”.

Solomon Grundy, who was unable to attend the service due to scheduling conflicts, released a statement through his agent, saying, “Solomon Grundy is heartbroken by the news of Fidel Castro and Florence Henderson’s untimely passing. It is times like these that Solomon Grundy reflects on the ephemeral nature of existence. It is said that death itself is an aspect of life; a necessary ebb and flow in nature’s course, a constant yet delicate dance between construction and destruction that serves as an unwavering reminder of our own mortality and the folly of humanities’ conceit. Solomon Grundy should know. After all, Solomon Grundy is dead.”

The Super Friends also released a statement saying that they intend to give the Legion the proper time and distance to go through the grieving process, adding that “doing anything else would not be super friendly.”

Staff Writer at MQ

Brandon Mougel is an MQ Alumni

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