Written by:

  1. My grandma ate my homework and then died
  2. Until we find a better alternative to actual paper, I refuse to print mine
  3. The guy that I usually pay is out of town
  4. I actually have a tape recording of you saying ‘The paper is due tomorrow’
  5. This is classic performance art — I can’t believe I have to explain this to you
  6. My monkeys are on strike
  7. After extensive literary analysis of this novel, I’ve decided that Oscar Wilde would never write a term paper and neither will I
  8. I know you’re late, but what am I?
  9. But were you REALLY gonna read it anyway? The whole thing?
  10. If you told us the deadline and no one heard it, is it still due?

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