At Least Eight Men Reported Dad in a Horrific 16-Person Accident


Written by: Cole Greenbaun

In a horrible turn of events, an accident Saturday night claimed the lives of at least eight men. Witnesses report the accident was the cause of multiple drunk people refusing to take safety precautions, resulting in a dad toll totalling eight.

“It was horrifying, there were socks and sandals everywhere,” said victim Pat T. Rark. “If I wasn’t so scared, I’d say the level of destruction was a mere ‘feet of God.’” Rark then winked at the reporter and returned to shuddering in the fetal position.

Then emergency services arrived, and provided every victim with a warm blanket, high waisted jeans, and a biography of Keith Richards.

“I immediately went to the first person I saw,” said EMT Dylan Biggs. “When I said ‘Hi, I’m here to help,’ the man, looking at me with defeated eyes, replied ‘Hi here to help, I’m Dad’ before falling unconscious. That’s when I knew it was serious.”

Members of the community are banding together to have a memorial service for the men, led by Pappy Ollson who has offered to host it in his basement, known as “The Man Cave.” The memorial will have refreshments, candles engraved with names of the men, and “The Big Game on a 55 inch flat screen” for anyone who wants to honor the fallen.

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