Freshman Rachel Torres has been excited all summer for school to start and for her first real ground-shattering existential crisis at UCSD.
“I’ve just been so ready to meet new people, experience the sights and culture of campus, and collapse from the stress of a 10 week system on day one!” said Torres. “I watched my brother go to college first, and since then I’ve been excited to come home on Thanksgiving, dead in the eyes and full of stories of how ‘mostly okay’ college is!”
Torres’ parents said they are proud of their daughter for pretending to be a true adult ready for everything coming her way, when in reality she has no idea what she is doing and is terrified.
“My little girl grew up so fast,” said Mr. Torres, tearing up. “It seemed like just yesterday she was pestered with questions about her career path, and now she has decided what she will do for the rest of her life even before she was able to vote.”
When asked if she had done any prep for the first day, Torres responded, “Oh yes, of course, I’ve been looking over my economic books all summ— Oh God, oh God, oh God, what am I doing?! I don’t even like economics! Oh Jesus Christ, no. NO.”