In an unofficial poll, a local student satire paper was deemed “Most Useful for a ‘Chuckle’ from Time to Time,” after a neck-and-neck race against the second-most popular option, “Bird Cage Lining.”
Reports indicated that the occasional chuckle option pulled ahead for a landslide victory after the paper was revealed to be responsible for a local canary’s black lung. Other popular uses of the paper included cheap insulation, mid-defecation entertainment, and kindling.
The paper’s staff expressed mixed feelings about the results, with a large majority unaware that what they were writing wasn’t, in fact, traditional journalism.
“I modeled my work after the journalists I grew up with; Stewart, Colbert, and whoever writes the stuff my younger cousin posts on Facebook,” said one anonymous staff writer. “I don’t know where I went wrong.”
However, many of the paper’s editors are embracing this new perspective.
“Perhaps, with hard work and a clear vision, we can get people to chuckle periodically, giggle intermittently, or, if we’re lucky, even laugh quarterly,” said the paper’s Editor-in-Chief.