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Editor Note

Written by: Sage Cristal

Thanks for looking up from your smartphone and at something without a screen! The new generation of humans have become slaves to their phones, spending all of their time watching videos of strangers cutting soap rather than exploring the bounties of nature. While kids today are busy tweeting and masturbating with fruit, the editors and contributors of this publication have decided to break the mold and learn a thing or two from our animal brethren.

A few weekends ago our writers set down their laptops and picked up their utility knives to follow in the paths of beavers, buffalo, and other beautiful wildlife you can find on the San Diego coastline. We attempted to climb trees with the squirrels, swim with the carp, and scavenge with the vultures. On this journey our contributors discovered the majesty and the brilliance of nature’s creatures. We also sprained a few bones falling out of trees, had our blood sucked by leeches, and ended up eating twigs when we couldn’t find any rabbits, birds, or berries to snack on. Nevertheless, we ventured into a world unknown to many, and left nothing but footprints and maybe a pair of glasses (if someone finds them, please email me directly!)

As our writers sat back down to create this latest issue, we couldn’t help but remember the abundant wildlife we saw on our adventure. We also couldn’t help but think about how many of these animals are losing their homes to deforestation, losing their lives to criminal hunting practices, and probably getting sick from measles. This issue, we explore the animals that live under us, above us, and around us on this crazy planet we call “Earth.” We also talk about sex robots, but that’s a whole other thing.

All things considered, I believe you, the reader, will enjoy the roadmap we have laid out to explore the greatness of the animal kingdom.

Fairy Godmother at The MQ

Sage Cristal is the woman of your dreams. She sings, she dances, and has a WWE Championship Replica Title Belt. She is currently training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

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