The Head of Photoshop at Victoria’s Secret, Kevin Lombard, has been reported missing. Coworkers report last seeing him leaving for a meeting with CEO Les Wexner to discuss Lombard’s most recent Photoshop mistake: the stray hair present in the newest Victoria’s Secret advertisement.
Victoria’s Secret’s company policy forbids “stray hairs, signs of body fat, or any other indication of the personhood of the models.” At a press conference, Police Captain Sharon Allen said that she suspects the kidnapping is a result of “foul play, and has most likely resulted in the complete erasure of Mr. Lombard, or at least some of his most significant and noticeable appendages, from the picture.”
Lombard’s coworkers reacted in grief. The Victoria’s Secret Angels offered to make Lombard an “honorary and/or actual Angel, contingent on whether he turns up alive or dead.” Wexner expressed regret that “one of the company’s most promising Photoshoppers, who only forgot that women have two legs, two arms, and no stray hairs, is no longer with us — wait, the police haven’t confirmed his death yet?”