Today, we time-traveled to UC San Diego in the year 3022. After going for a slime in the goop car and trying out the new “simulated death” machine, we stopped by the new MQ Office…

You know how this goes: the horse races. The ol’ equine escapades. The mare-athon. The track and field for big dogs. The mosey for your posey. You get the gist. Everyone knows there are three great aspects of horse racing — the costume, the horses, and the homoerotic tension between you and your rival as the horses you both bet on are neck and neck around the bend…

Will we survive? We’re getting really scared, even though we have plot armor. Wait, unless this is one of those edgy kind of horror movies where the genre-savvy characters get killed off for shock value. This movie has to be — shh. Shh!!! Did you hear that? Oh, God, please let this be a regular movie where the virgins survive.

We over at the MQ are getting real frustrated with the consequences created by the industrial revolution. So we’ve decided society isn’t for us! That’s right — we’ve offifficially had it. We’re sick of it all: the posturing, the Bechdel Test failures, the targeted Instagram ads getting a bit too accurate for comfort, and the pretentious thinkpieces that are only written to incite anger and generate website views. And so, after the careful deliberation of 10 whole minutes, the MQ is going offff the grid…