VaporHealth’s CEO and marketing extraordinaire, Siggie Smok, announced that the company will be “firing up” their new accessory brand, VaporAccess. The line of vaping accessories “takes inspiration from the good ol’ days,” said Smok. “We’ll be bringing back the 60s’ hit designs in case you’ve bought one of those peasant, 30-day free trial, non-waterproof ones from us.”
Smok also introduced an “elongated vape” that aims to “metaphorify [sic] the elongated lifespans that customers gain after smo— uh, I mean, vaping our vapes. Indeed, we all know that smoking is bad, but vaping is good.” The CEO proceeded to present a vibrant slideshow on her philosophy of “Smoking vs. Vaping.”
“Remember folks,” she continued, “Smoking is stinky, but vaping is odorless with a wide variety of flavors. Smoking involves burning tobacco, but vaping involves heating up a nicotine-containing liquid. Smoking kills, but vaping doesn’t kill… as many people.”
Smok left the public with a profound message: “Our headline product is a vape with an ashtray attached to it. This is to remind ourselves how far we have come — now that we’ve successfully transitioned from smoking to vaping, from chronic lung cancer to cancer so gradual you wouldn’t even notice before it gets to you.”
