Point: American English Makes More Sense Than British English
Eagle Collector
Well gee golly, I’m so sorry to be causing a fuss, but I feel it must be said — I am starting to get real peeved the way some British folks are acting like they invented the darn language. English is a good ol’ American language, first and foremost. I mean look, not to be a real butt, but they’re an island the size of Mississippi with the GDP to match, meanwhile we’re the gosh dang US of A.
Plus, our version of the language is just more sensical. Who the heck needs an extra “U” in the word color? And “Z” just looks better than “S” in words like “realize”. Honestly, it’s more logical and the British need get their dang ducks in a row and embrace the fact that the American Revolution blessed us with the greatest innovations of mankind: no King, no taxes on tea, and no convoluted spellings.
British phrases can be so silly — and for cryin’ out loud — make no flippin’ sense! Like, they call soccer “football”? Yeah, duh, we can see they’re using their feet, you don’t have to tell us! And our version of football is more fun anyways. What’s better than seeing some all-American boys running around an all-American field, fighting over the ol’ all-American pigskin as the founding fathers — nay, God himself — intended.
Bless their little hearts. They cling to these phrases, I hate to say, because they are a sad, failing country, sore that they aren’t the global superpower anymore. Gosh, we won the Second World War, we won the Olympics, and we will win at making those poor English men and women speak correct American.
Counterpoint: BRITANNIA FOREVER
Favourite Colour Connoisseur
No offence, but you bloody Americans are simply incapable of speaking the King’s English. If I were to analyse this situation, the real problem is Americans not accepting that, since the language originated in the beautiful and glorious Kingdom of England, we have a claim to the proper, original, and correct dialect of the most blessed language on Earth. WE were the ones who took on the imperial burden and “colonised” the whole world. That means that WE get to decide exactly what the rules of the language we shared with all of our lovely friends in the Commonwealth are.
American spelling is inferior. American grammar is inferior. American vocabulary is inferior. How dare they call chips, the uniquely British delicacy (often enjoyed with fish), “french fries”. And how dare the rest of the world do so as well!
No, I don’t care that language changes and evolves or that different regionalisms exist. I only care about what is appropriate, what is orthodox, and dare I say, what is respectable. The dialogue around this subject is idiotic, and your defence is utterly futile. As a proud Englishman, I have the authority of the King himself, and I am the only person who may decide what is right and what is wrong surrounding PROPER English.
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