During an emergency press conference outside the Target headquarters, CEO Brian Cornell publicly came out as bisexual, citing “lived experience and a revived pride for financial success.”
The announcement came weeks after the company faced intense backlash and a plunge in both sales and foot traffic following the reversal of its DEI initiatives. With the projection of declining Pride merchandise sales, sources say that Cornell’s bisexuality marks a bold new strategy in “double-rainbow capitalism.”
“As a proud member of the gays — wait, LGBTQIAs — I feel it’s time to acknowledge all of this — I mean, come out,” Cornell said after revealing an iridescent Target tote bag from under his coat. “I regret that in a moment of weakness, I abandoned my inner Gen Z. I’ve always felt a little fluid when navigating the rapids of retail, with its shifting moral tides. As such, my fursona, Bullseye, will join me for Pride under the name ‘Butcheye’.”
The rebranding campaign, “Bi the Way, the T Stands for Target”, is set to launch next week along with a “not-just-a partnership” with Starbucks, who had joined Target as “comrades-in-arms-and-lips” after declaring its CEO Brian Niccol “emotionally pansexual.”
