On Monday, May 26, President Trump announced that speech as defined by the First Amendment would no longer be free. “You guys know, this country is very good, very rich. But do you know what we need? That’s right, more money. So I thought very long and very hard on how to get more of it. Then it hit me: our speech is free — which is so very woke and Communist. We will Make America Great Again by selling speech.”
Almost immediately after, Californians began racking trillions in debt for “just saying what the Trump administration doesn’t like.” Those impacted by Trump’s decree looked visibly upset, but when asked to comment about their feelings on the matter, responses were brief: “Can’t. Costly.”
Written content was also privatized, with one newspaper editor expressing complaint: “We had to sell off our office to keep up with the rising costs of words these days.” This decision has forced many news sources to shorten their word counts and double their subscription prices.
