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- It's illegal to list a house under 300,000 dollars
- Any sandwich called "California" or "baja chicken" must contain avocados
- Penal code 34.71 - "You cannot have sex with the Golden Gate Bridge. I cannot believe I'm writing this into actual law"
- It's illegal to ingest more than 20 oz of salt water
- It shall not pass forth on a true citizen's lips that a Bordeaux chardonnay trumps a Sonoma Valley chardonnay
- California is the only state in the union that contains anti-anti-sodomy laws
- In Sunnyvale AYSO region 44, it is illegal to attend a son's soccer game without cursing out the referee for 15 minutes and calling his hairy sister a "good for nothing kusemech"
- Any businessman wearing a suit must also be obnoxiously talking into a Bluetooth headset
- In Fresno, it's illegal to jaywalk slowly
- "YOU CAN TURN RIGHT ON RED GODAMMIT JUST GO"
- Good, wholesome family fun
- Oscar-winner Tom Hanks on a raft with a volleyball
- My goddamn tax money
- Apparently birthmarks are back in style
- All four members of Metallica ominously playing "Sandman"
- Blood. So much blood
- A historical reenactment of the Battle of the Bulge performed non-ironically
- A naturalized Syrian refugee
- Singles over 50 speed dating
- Scrotums. That one's on you
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