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UCs Banned from Asking About Race, Find New Measures of Student Affluence

March 9, 2016 - Barak Tzori
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Updated CAPEs to Include Judgement of Peers

March 9, 2016 - Jaz Twersky
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Badass First Year Skips First Discussion Section of His College Career

March 9, 2016 - Luke Tribble
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Freshman Excited to Finally Take Part in Political Process

September 22, 2015 - Brandon Elhert

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  1. Fighting on the playground
  2. The human body contains about 3.5 more liters of blood than your bucket can handle
  3. The realization that life is just a series of arbitrary goals, the meaning of which doesn't ultimately bring you happiness, but also there's this midterm coming up
  4. Guns and butter
  5. People no longer solve problems by dancing and singing like they did in high school
  6. "Ok, so I've got 70 dollars to spend on food per week and only eating ice cream costs me 80 dollars. I'm going to have to start eating things other than ice cream"
  7. Showing up late to class because you ran into that prankster ghost, Peevus
  8. That moment when you checked your phone during Chem 6C and your teacher put it in a Vitamix blender and made you drink it as a smoothie
  9. You've only got one fire extinguisher. Roommate or ceiling?
  10. Ow, that fucking door again
  1. Created a rift of tension for the next 40 years
  2. You were an hour late for it
  3. You went into it with the intent of imposing your ideology upon them
  4. There was an implied “no takesies backsies” policy
  5. Your mom is a little too excited about it
  6. It’s a proxy battle between two superpowers that eventually ends in a detente about who gets to use the kitchenette sink
  7. You read a lot of articles from “Seventeen” in advance for advice
  8. You had been spying on your roommate with a U2 plane for months before it hap- pened
  9. Once again it’s because of those damn commies
  10. If this goes on much longer you’d rather be waterboarded
  11. The neighbors just don’t want to get involved
  12. Leads to the dissolution of Yugoslavia
  13. Not much, but your roommate does have a pretty sick beard
  14. Cuba really isn’t the ideal location for this meeting
  15. A lot of hype but ultimately no fallout

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