Government Shutdown Called “Best Thing To Occur During Trump’s First Year in Office”
Volume 24 Issue 4 - February 7, 2018
Photo by: Jessica Ma
O ne month after the government shutdown, the American population has settled in with the gravity of the situtation. The shutdown lasted a total of three days, and it could possibly be the most productive three days since Trump’s inauguration. All major news sources and political scientist have agreed: the shutdown was the best thing that occurred during Trump’s first year in office.
Reports from the shutdown said Trump had stayed on the sidelines throughout it. As a result, no alarms were raised when he was photographed having an intimate conversation with Vladimir Putin, the two of which repeatedly had meetings throughout the three days. White House photographer Shealah Craighead caught many of these moments on camera, commenting, “Nobody really seemed to notice them” and “I don’t know, it didn’t seem suspicious to me.”
The content of their meeting is largely unknown to all except for a few Russian officials. Witness James Booray stated, “The two of them looked like they were having a very intimate conversation with each other. They would occasionally hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes. Trump would talk for what felt like hours as Putin intensely listened to his ramblings. It reminded me of a couple who are deeply in love with each other.”
The shutdown gave many employees a time to relax and reconnect with their families. Journalists who normally kept a watchful eye on Trump’s Twitter reported being able to sleep during normal hours because they did not have to be awake for Trump’s 5 a.m. tweets. They were also able to have time with family without a phone in their hand.
Interviews with children at Janney Elementary School in D.C. revealed that many students had seen a new face at breakfast and dinner during the shutdown. First grader Ricky Motts reported, “My dad’s face is usually rose gold and rectangular.” Third grader Mary Motts corrected him, saying, “No, dad’s face has been space gray since the iPhone X came out.” In response to the rumors circling Janney Elementary, mother Ellie Motts assured that this new face was in fact her spouse and not a lover.
However, some workers opted out of time with family and decided to continue their work through this unplanned vacation. Secretary Maegan Walker said, “I know I’m not getting paid for this, but I‘m basically making up for all the work I couldn’t do. Normally, the president would call me into the office often to ask random question such as, ‘Isn’t my accent of the Prime Minister of India great?’ but now I can do my work undisturbed.”
Similar cases were found throughout the White House with all willing to do unpaid work. The workers were “glad Trump was out of the way” as they all found that they were more productive without the president. “I do most of the work anyways, so honestly we can just get rid of him. Make way for President Pence, am I right?” commented Vice President Pence. “I mean, just kidding. Unless, you don’t want me to be kidding.”